Welcome to The PATH (Monday Meditation): A weekly reflection with three insights into daily life. This week’s reflection searches for perennial lessons on saying yes to life (Acceptance, Surrender, and Letting Go).
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1. Acceptance
There are many things over which we have no control — probably most things. By walking our path in life, we discover that the world refuses to bow to our commands. For this reason, wisdom traditions have many names for accepting and aligning ourselves with how the world works. The Stoics advise us to live in accordance with nature. The Taoists say to live in the flow of life, and spiritual traditions have phrases and practices like acceptance, surrender, and letting go.
Reinhold Niebuhr, an American Protestant theologian, composed a prayer that has become the cornerstone of the recovery movement:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
It is known today as the Serenity Prayer. But two thousand years prior, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught essentially the same lesson,
Some things in the world are up to us, while others are not. Up to us are our faculties of judgment, motivation, desire, and aversion—in short, everything that is our own doing. Not up to us are our body and property, our reputations, and our official positions—in short, everything that is not our own doing.
The longtime psychotherapist and author David Richo (a recent podcast guest) explains in the Five Things We Cannot Change there are five unavoidable givens (or immutable facts) that come to visit all of us repeatedly:
Everything changes and ends.
Things do not always go according to plan.
Life is not always fair.
Pain is part of life.
People are not always living and loyal all the time.
When we learn to accept and embrace these types of fundamental truths, writes Dr. Richo, “we come to realize that they are exactly what we need to gain courage, compassion, and wisdom—in short, to find real happiness.”
2. Surrender
What comes to mind when you hear the word — surrender?
Does it connect with saying yes to life?
The psychologist Carl Jung believed that “givens can be embraced with an unconditional yes to that which is, without subjective protests, an acceptance of the conditions of existence . . . an acceptance of my own nature as I happen to be.”
According to Dr. Richo,
Such a yes is a willingness to land on concrete reality without a pillow to buffer us. Such a yes makes us flexible, attuning us to a shifting world, opening us to whatever life brings. Such a yes is not a stoic surrender to the status quo but a courageous one—an alignment to reality.
To surrender is not losing or giving up; it is deciding to intentionally grow up. It involves surrendering to the notion that there are eternal truths. And that the art of living requires us to live in accordance with those truths — not despite them.
A poem by Hafiz, titled Tripping over Joy illustrates it nicely,
What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I Surrender!”Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still thinkYou have a thousand serious moves.
3. Letting Go
The strange thing about wisdom is how paradoxical it can be. An unconditional yes is a yes to the paradoxes of life. A paradox combines apparent opposites. For example, Dr. Richo observes that “although people are not loving and loyal all the time, nothing has to get in the way of our acting with loving-kindness and not giving up on others. No human action can take away another human being’s capacity to love.”
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius came to the very same conclusion. In a famous passage on dealing with difficult people. Marcus Aurelius concludes,
And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.
Marcus Aurelius reminded himself, “Do not go around expecting Plato’s Republic,” put another way, let go of your desire to live in the perfect city because it does not exist. One might also remind themselves not to expect the perfect spouse, employee, boss, etc. The opportunities for acceptance, surrender, or letting go are truly endless.
This is what a mindfulness practice is in daily life. According to Dr. Richo, “Mindfulness is an unconditional yes to what is as it is. We face our issues in the here and now without protest or blame. Such a yes is unconditional because it is free of conditioning by the neurotic ego: fear, desire, control, judgment, complaint, and expectation.” When mindful, we meet each moment with openness, curiosity, and kindness.
To conclude, the writer Joseph Campbell explained in his classic, A Hero with a Thousand Faces, that one must participate joyfully in the world's sorrows. Although one cannot cure the world of sorrows — one can choose to live in joy. The warrior's (or Hero’s) approach is to say “yes” to life.
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Thank you for reading; I hope you found something useful.
Until next time, be wise and be well,
P.S. Feel free to comment, ask questions, or make suggestions for future topics!
I have come to the understanding that life isn’t about acquiring things, it’s about letting go. Letting go of who we think we are, what we have done and what’s been done to us.