💀 Dying Every Day
The Dying Every Day series delivers guided meditations on the art of living. Each meditation provides a quote, a selected passage (from an original Stoic text), and a reflection prompt. These meditations are designed to help us reflect on what it means to live a good life.
The Perils of Blame
“When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside, and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you. But you should still be kind to them.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 9.27
Selected Passage
In this week’s Dying Every Day meditation, we’re exploring the perils of blaming others (and ourselves) through a selected passage from Epictetus.
Men are disturbed not by the things that happen but by their opinions about the things; for example, death is nothing terrible, for if it were, it would have seemed so to Socrates, for the opinion about death that it is terrible is the terrible thing. When we are impeded, disturbed, or grieved, let us never blame others but ourselves — that is, our opinions. It is the act of an ill-instructed man to blame others for his own bad condition; it is the act of one who has begun to be instructed to lay the blame on himself; and of one whose instruction is completed, neither to blame another nor himself.
+ Adapted from The Enchiridion
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Reflection Exercise
According to Epictetus (and the Stoics at large), criticism or being blamed is not necessarily a problem. The problem rests in our ‘opinion’ about said criticism or blame. Marcus Aurelius wrote this to himself on the subject,
Someone despises me? That is his concern. But I will see to it that I am not found guilty of any word or action deserving contempt. Will he hate me? That is his concern. But I will be kind and well-intentioned to all. (11.13)
Being criticized, blamed, and even insulted is not up to us. On the other hand, what is up to us, as Marcus Aurelius put it, is “being kind and well-intentioned to all.” Now, it’s important to point out that avoiding blame is obviously easier said than done and requires deliberate practice.
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Journaling Prompt
Who are you blaming? Consider journaling about a recent event that ‘disturbed’ you. See if you can identify the ‘opinion’ about the event. You might ask yourself, “What am I hoping to gain by blaming others?”
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Thank you for reading/listening; I hope you found something useful.
Until next time, be wise and be well,
J.W.
P.S. New here? Catch up on previous volumes in the archive!