Welcome to The PATH — A weekly reflection with three timeless insights for daily life. This week’s reflection searches for ancient lessons on the art and wisdom of friendship (Aristotle, Seneca, and the Buddha).
1. Aristotle
One of the common threads through philosophical and spiritual traditions is the importance placed on friendship. Friendship involves a specific concern for another, a situation that might reasonably be understood as a kind of love. In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle distinguishes three types of friendship: friendships of pleasure, of utility, and of virtue (or true friends).
Friends for pleasure — Think of friends you might attend sporting events or participate in hobbies, friends for dining, etc.
Friends for utility — These are neighbors, work colleagues, parents of your kid’s friends, etc.
True friends — True friendship is a deeper connection that Aristotle explains as mirrors to each other and ''a single soul dwelling in two bodies."
For Aristotle, friendships are required to live a good life, “without friends, no one would want to live, even if he had all other goods.” Friends help us to walk the path, cultivate virtue, and overcome challenges in life.
2. Seneca
Strangely, some believe Stoic philosophy is an individualistic approach to life. However, countless passages like this one from Seneca say otherwise, “Nothing will ever please me, no matter how excellent or beneficial, if I must keep the knowledge of it to myself… No good thing is pleasant to possess without friends to share it.”
In my interview with David Fideler (author of Breakfast with Seneca), he explained the central role of friendship:
All of his writings are addressed to different friends or family members of his so he saw a person-to-person relationship as being very important in philosophy and stoic philosophy in particular because one of the main aims of Roman Stoic philosophy was to develop a better character.
People close to us influence our character, either for the ill or the good. For this reason, Seneca advised seeking out friends with good character because those good qualities will rub off on you somehow.
Seneca said, “Nothing delights the mind as much as friendship.”
3. The Buddha
Would you be surprised to hear that the Buddha called good friendship the entire spiritual life? According to Buddhist scripture, one-day Ānanda approached the Buddha and said, “Good friendship and good companionship is half of the spiritual life.”
The Buddha responded,
Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda! This is the entire spiritual life, Ānanda, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship. When a monk has a good friend, a good companion, a good comrade, it is to be expected that he will develop and cultivate the Noble Eightfold Path. “And how, Ānanda, does a monk with a good friend, a good companion, a good comrade, develop and cultivate the Noble Eightfold Path? Here, Ānanda, a monk develops right view, which is based upon seclusion, dispassion, and cessation, maturing in release. He develops right intention … right speech … right action … right livelihood … right effort … right mindfulness … right concentration, which is based upon seclusion, dispassion, and cessation, maturing in release. It is in this way, Ānanda, that a monk with a good friend, a good companion, a good comrade, develops and cultivates the Noble Eightfold Path.
It is easy to forget how important friendship is to our lives, how friends can help one another along the path in life, and how they help us see ourselves and the world around us. In a recent interview with Eric Zimmer (from the One You Feed podcast), we discussed how there could be a tendency to want to make new friends and connections over investing in existing relationships.
Remember these words from the theologian Thomas Aquinas: “There is nothing on earth to be prized more than friendship.”
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Thank you for reading; I hope you found something useful.
Until next time, be wise and be well,
I love this! Have always loved reading about friendships